Microsoft Sam, TSWCAtS Edition

If you don't know who this guy is, we here at TSWCAtS would hate to ruin your day by telling you.

If you really do want your day ruined, though, imagine a montonous text-to-speech bot saying the following to this guy:

"dr satan i have a cancer heal my cancer u skrub"

And now that I've ruined your day by giving a half-assed explanation for what the TSWCAtS edition of Microsoft Sam is, I will proceed to drown my sorrows in water bottles and granola bars.